Pain

This has been a tough week.  I saw my friend, Cindy, on Sunday have these muscle spasms that looked so incredibly painful and I felt so helpless - nothing I could do to take away the pain but to witness it.  It is hard to be with pain and to feel and experience it.  I think in many ways addictions are used to cover up the pain and put a blanket on it but this was not possible.  It makes me feel vulnerable to life - every day is a new uncovering with an unknown aspect to it.  I also saw the beautiful moon interlaced with the clouds like it was playing peek a boo with me in the sky.  So there is balance to that which hurts.  The day unfolds early - I am so awake in the morning and conscious - it is like I am asleep and then my eyes are really open.  I have always been a morning person - sometimes a real early morning person.  When I was in college, I used to get up at 4:00 a.m. to study and go to bed at 8:00 p.m.  I like the quiet, peace and reflection that is found in the morning.  The kids are asleep, the cats are awake, the street is quiet from street noise and there is only the quiet hum of the appliances in the kitchen.