Blood Diamonds

I just watched this movie (blood diamonds) about Sierra Leone and its civil war regarding diamonds.  The civil war started in 1990 and went for about 10 years and in that time 50,000 people died.  A lot of the conflict stemmed from the export of illegal diamonds.  Male children were recruited into a child army and it is heartbreaking to see what happens to boys when they are manipulated by those who abuse power.  Senegal, the country that I was in the Peace Corps, is close to Sierra Leone.  Guinea is between these two countries on the West African coast.  So much pain over greed.  Blood diamonds is a powerful movie and Leonardo Di Caprio stars in it.  It is not a movie for those with queasy stomachs and a dislike for guns and blood.  I want to see the movie Waiting for Superman about our educational system but this week has been to busy for me to make it to the Panida theater so I am going to rent it from Nexflix.  I enjoy the freedom and choice that comes with netflix for only $10.00 a month.  I do enjoy watching movies for entertainment and for knowledge.  I can be pretty intense so I need to not watch too many movies like Blood Diamonds or I start feeling cynical about the world.

painting my bedroom lilac

I painted my room a light lilac.  I didn't want anything too dark but just something with a nice hue.  I am tired of white walls so each spring I seem to embark on a painting project.  I painted my bathroom yellow.  I have a lot of interesting artwork that I have either made or have picked up at thrift stores.  I like somewhat unconventional artwork . . .I make fabric collages.  I like working with collage and fabric.  I call them my amazon women series.  Art has been a great coping skill for me and when I am stressed or out of sorts I like to do art - it helps me relax, forget about my worries and make something interesting or pretty.  Beauty is not necessarily a goal for me in my art.  Instead, I use it as a visual diary of something that I am trying to convey.  Actually, I do art on two levels.  I do crafts - rug hooking, quilting, embroidery, beads and then I do more fine art which is my collage which I do both with fabric and paper and tissue paper.  I want like to learn how to do sculpture.  That is my next calling - maybe paper mache stuff - I don't know - I won't have much time this summer to do artwork so I am trying to get it in now. 

Pain

This has been a tough week.  I saw my friend, Cindy, on Sunday have these muscle spasms that looked so incredibly painful and I felt so helpless - nothing I could do to take away the pain but to witness it.  It is hard to be with pain and to feel and experience it.  I think in many ways addictions are used to cover up the pain and put a blanket on it but this was not possible.  It makes me feel vulnerable to life - every day is a new uncovering with an unknown aspect to it.  I also saw the beautiful moon interlaced with the clouds like it was playing peek a boo with me in the sky.  So there is balance to that which hurts.  The day unfolds early - I am so awake in the morning and conscious - it is like I am asleep and then my eyes are really open.  I have always been a morning person - sometimes a real early morning person.  When I was in college, I used to get up at 4:00 a.m. to study and go to bed at 8:00 p.m.  I like the quiet, peace and reflection that is found in the morning.  The kids are asleep, the cats are awake, the street is quiet from street noise and there is only the quiet hum of the appliances in the kitchen.

Sealskin Woman

I started vacation with a flat tire and ended it with stomach flu.  Fortunately, the time between the tire and stomach was pretty good.  I started with going to Scotia House in Newport to a workshop my friend, Colleen did for women based on a story from the book, Women Who Run With the Wolves.  It is sort of like an adult (I don't mean sexual here)  fairy tale book.  In this book she analyzes fairy tales throughout the world and what the lesson is in the tale.  An exerpt from the book,

  "The seal is one of the most beautiful of all symbols for the wild soul.  Like the instinctual nature of women, seals are peculiar creatures who have evolved and adapted over eons.  Like the seal woman, actual seals only come onto the land in order to breed and nurse.  The mother seal is intensely devoted to her pup for about two months, loving, guarding, and feeding it solely from her own body stores.  During this time, the thirty-pound pup quadruples in weight.  Then the mother swims out to sea and the now viable and grown pup begins an independent life." (Women Who Run With the Wolves, by Clarissa Pinkola Estes) 

The lesson from the story is that women give up their pelts for unsatisfying relationships, being out of touch with their creative side and neglecting their art and basic needs.  In this story, the seal woman loses her pelt to be with a lonely man.  After 7 years with this man, she begins to dry up and reclaims her skin and goes back to the ocean where she belongs.

"We know poor choice occurs in various ways.  One woman marries too early.  Another becomes pregnant too  young.  Another goes with a bad mate.  Another gives up her art to "have things."  Another is seduced by any number of illusions, another by promises, another by being too much "being good" and not enough soul, yet another by too much airiness and not enough earthiness." (Women Who Run With the Wolves, by Clarissa Pinkola Estes)

How do you put pictures on your blog

I was looking for away to add photographs of my family etc but am not sure how to do it?  Any suggestions?  Thanks

humbled by life

Today I helped move my friend from Bonner General Hospital to Life Care.  My friend Cindy (not her real name but I don't want to put her real name) has some unknown something going on with her body.  Cindy is from Sweden, an engineer, superb skier, owns her house and has it seemingly altogether except her body went out on her the end of January and she hasn't been able to work since then.  Cindy was at KMC for a stint of 10 days and given a lot of steroids so that she could start moving again.  She has a lot of Multiple Syclerosis symptoms but has not been diagnosed.  She was getting better and brothers and parents from Sweden came over and stayed over a month to be with her and then the last 10 days have been really tough.  Last week, I gave her ride home from meditation and she started to cry in my car.  The next day she was admitted to the hospital and her neurologist is on vacation and the doctor in Sandpoint doesn't know what he is doing so she is very frustrated.   Today she was transferred to Life Care because she is too incapicitated to live alone at home.  She can't even get out of bed to go to the bathroom.  I transferred all of her stuff from the hospital to the nursing home.  This kind of makes me slow down and realize who really is in control.  I know from reading other blogs that there are a variety of spiritual persuasions represented here.  I guess from a more Buddhist perspective it is important for me to have compassion for my friend and the suffering that she is experiencing and to be with her as she is.  I feel like I have done pretty well with that but I realize that it hit me in my heart to see Cindy so vulnerable - perhaps it reminds me of my own vulnerablity too.

The flat tire

I was all set to go to a women's retreat with other eight women.  My ex-husband had the kids, I had people covering all of my clients, the house was pretty clean and my neighbor was taking care of the cats.  I thought I had it all together.  I dropped off my billing notes at work and was all set to go when I went to the garage and I heard this sound - I was like what is that - I checked it was the left rear tire with quite a fast leak.  I thought what to do - well if I can get out to Perfection Tire within the next 10 minutes there will still be enough air in the tire to be able to drive it which is what I did.  I then went to Starbucks coffee to wait for my neighbor to give me a ride home which she kindly did.  Needless to say I will not be going on the retreat today but I will head out tomorrow.  I then got to thinking o.k. I am a little delayed - my house didn't get swept away in a tidal wave, I am not in a war zone and my children and I are healthy.  It is so easy to focus on what is wrong instead of what is working well which is many things so here I am writing.  If I hadn't gotten the flat tire I wouldn't have written this blog.