Rachmaninov

I am listening to Rachmaninov which is very motivating.  It is lively, intense, intermittent in sound.  I listen to different kinds of music for different moods.  Classical music helps me be productive.  I enjoy Mozart as well.  When I want to just "hang out" and chill I like reggae music.  It makes me think of the sun, comfortable clothes and not having an agenda.  It is like classical and reggae are at the opposite ends of the spectrum.  I never learned how to play an instrument.  I played the violin when I was in 3rd grade and my brothers would imitate me.  It didn't really encourage me to want to expand on the musical front but I do appreciate music.  Visual art is more my thing.  I am making a beaded wind chime with kitchen utensils hanging from it.  Last year, I bought a moose wind chime from the thrift store and my daughter thought it was quite tacky and told me all last summer how much she didn't like it so in response I made this hippish beaded kitchen utensil wind chime.  She approves.  It is amazing how opinionated a 10 year old girl can be.  I like her spirit.  The snow is coming down - and I confess I had to shovel the snow.  I didn't shovel for the last week but today it was something that needed to be done.  I don't like the idea of shoveling snow but once I am actually engaged in the process it is o.k.  Are you ever like that?  You don't like the idea of doing something but once you are engaged in doing it is o.k.

Dogs at the animal shelter

February 20
I am not really a big dog person.  I prefer cats and I have two cats Raphael and Iris.  However, I am enjoying walking dogs at the animal shelter.  There is a large great dane named Logan.  He is a little thin but loves to be petted.  I took my son and daughter out to walk him today.  He has happy tail because he keeps banging his tail on the wall which makes it bleed.  My daughter ran with him for awhile.  He liked that.  Then we walked Goldie.  Goldie is a little plump but very well mannered.  She is a cow herding dog and was very nice to walk.  She doesn't pull on the leash and I can tell she so much wants to be taken to somebody's home.  I am thinking of fostering her for the weekend.  I am not really set up to have a dog full time but I am thinking it might work for the weekend.  My favorite dog is Ghost.  She is about 14 months old and is a white shepard.  She doesn't listen very well and kind of goes all over the place on a leash.  Last week when I walked on her she had jumped all over me and I had muddy paw prints on my jacked and on my jeans.  We have a very nice animal shelter in Sandpoint.  It was funded by a grant from Cold Water.  It is hard to see the animals in small cages but it is a nice facility and it is a no kill facility.  Last year there was a cat, Davy Jones, who knew how to open doors and so when staff came in the morning they would find the cats running all over the place.  Davy Jones was adopted by a couple that had a dog who knew how to open doors as well.

Contra Dancing

I went contra dancing in Clark Fork.  Contra dancing is like folk dancing.  I brought my 10 year old daughter, Gabriel.  Nathan stayed at home because he thought it sounded "gay"  - what to do with 13 year old boys.  Anyway, it was fun.  I saw some people that I haven't seen in 10 years.  A friend of mine's boyfriend played the fiddle and another friend called the dances.  About 1/3 of the people there danced while the rest watched.  It was fun to dance.  There weren't enough men so some women danced with other women - nobody really cared.  There were some young girls - I like dancing this way because it builds community is fun and there is no alcohol.  Gabriel and I first had dinner with Cindy.  She made chili with corn chips and showed us her cool house.  Her living room is blue and her dining room is yellow.  She has a nice eye for colors and I appreciated her artwork.  Cindy is a wonderful quilter - she does very fine work.  I appreciate people that can do very detailed quilting.  I am pretty good at quilting but I am not super exact.

Spokane with my friend Ann

I went to Spokane today with my friend Ann.  Ann lives in Priest River and is 77 years old.  She is like a second mother to me and has helped me out during some difficult times.  Ann lives in an eclectic house with 3 dogs and 4 cats.  Too many animals for me but she really likes them.  I picked up Ann about 12:30 p.m. and we went to P F Changs in downtown Spokane.  It is nice to have some good food to eat - I miss not having more options in Sandpoint.  I had chicken sesame with spicy green beans and tangerine tea.  We then went to Cosco.  I bought a lot of almonds - much cheaper at Cosco.  I bought some chocolate and sesame muffins for the children.  I don't like to buy them very often because they aren't all that great for them.  Ann talks a lot and she isn't a very good listener but that is o.k.  She is from Sonoma but came here after her husband died in a freak boating accident on a lake near Lake Tahoe.  Most of her children live in California.  Ann is a woman who speaks her mind.  She dies her hair red and wears sort of run down clothes.  She tells me she needs to lose 50 pounds and then she will buy some nice clothes.  One of her ankles really bothers her because she snapped it half when skiing in Tahoe.  She is smart and reads a lot.  Her husband was the superintendent of the Sonoma School District.  Ann raised 6 children but one of her daughters died.  She is a no nonsense person.  She speaks her mind and isn't afraid if you don't agree with her.  I like women who speak their minds.  I find it refreshing though I do wish that she was a better listener.  However maybe that is why we have many friends because some are good at one thing and not so hot at something else.

Alice Walker

February 9
I haven't written in a couple of days.  I realize it is so easy for me to lose the routine of daily living.  I like writing every day even if there isn't much said.  It helps me reflect on the day and pull it all together.  I have noticed how busy so many people are in the class with small children, sick children - being pulled in so many directions.  It is like we are on a map with five destinations that we all need to be at the same time.  Anyway, I had my women's group at my house on Monday and I read a poem by Alice Walker.  I will leave some of it here on the page or at least the imaginary page.

 On Stripping Bark from Myself

"because women are expected to keep silent about
their close escapes I will not keep silent
and if I am destroyed (naked tree!) someone will
mark the spot
where I fall and know I could not live
silent in my own lies
hearing their "how nice she is!"
whose adoration of the retouched image
I so despise."

Eudora Welty - Losing Battles

February 5
I am sick today.  I must have picked up the bug from my son.  I haven't been sick for awhile.  I took vitamin c this week but it still hopped onto my back.  I am listening to music, taking it easy.  Not so sick to be completely incapicitated but enough to slow down.  There is some sun shining outside and my son went to his friend's house.  After being sick for 3 days, he wanted to spend the night at Alex's house.  I said no.  He asked me 3 times.  I guess you can say that he can be persistent.  I found a book at the library that looks interesting which is called Losing Battles by Eudora Welty.  I have never read her work before.  She has some wonderful descriptions.

"An old Ford coupe, that looked for the moment like a black teakettle boiling over and being carried quick off the stove, crossed the yard." 

"She wore a dress of shirting in purple and white stripes, with sleeves so short and tight that her vaccination scar shone at them like a tricky little mirror high in her powerful upper arm."

"But everywhere else, every other visible inch of her skin, even to her ears, was freckled, as if she'd been sprinkled with nutmeg while she was still dewy and it would never brush off."

Not much else that I can think of to write.  I had lunch yesterday with a guy I thought I might be interested in but nothing came of it.  I keep thinking that I am o.k. with being single and have many friends but then the loneliness makes it self comfortable in my heart and I want to kick it out of there.

My son is sick

The day started slow because we got to sleep in.  My son is sick.  It isn't really bad but he is very stuffed up and just doesn't feel all that great.  I worked some today and then stayed home.  Nathan being sick helped me slow down and enjoy the beautiful sunny day outside.  I love days where the sky is so blue and I can see the outlines of the mountains with the frosting of snow on them.  I am more impacted by the weather than I want to admit.  There are more grays than I like in North Idaho.  I helped facilitate a group this afternoon for people with  a dual diagnosis of substance abuse and mental health issues.  One woman had a mental break down a couple of months ago and is struggling to find balance again.  She is feeling kind of shaky which makes sense.  A couple of women have dropped out of the group because they started to drink again.  This isn't a 12 step group but we ask that you be sober when you come to group.  There are about 10-12 people that come each week.  I am ready to get out of the mental health field but I am humbled by the challenges that people have to work with.  People are scared about all of the cuts that might take place in mental health.  It is a weird time to be in social services.  How bad is it going to get?