eye bags

I am going to try something.  In my meditation group we are working with becoming more in touch with our bodies so I am going to write about what it feels like to have an eye bag over my eyes.                                           

My eyes feel busy rolling around in their sockets.
Place the eye bag made of lavendar and kidney beans over my eyes.  Relief.
eyes stop moving around and feel relief.  The eyes can take a break and relax - take a vacation eyes.  Haven't been sleeping too much - only four hours last night - been going through a creative spurt but am tired now - going on retreat will relax the eyes.  It is like when I have the eye bag on that there is a gentle hand on my face telling me to let go

The black backpack

Last weekend, I bought my daughter a used black backpack from the animal thrift store.  It was kind of dirty but  for only $3.00 it was a good deal.  It also has wheels for the days when the books are particularly heavy.  When my son, Nathan, saw the backpack he said, "That is a man's backpack."  When this didn't get much of a response from me he tried another approach, "I am in middle school and Gabriel is only in 5th grade so I am the one that needs the backpack."  When again this failed to give him the desired result, he got grouchy and took it out on Gabriel.  I am not sure what he did because I was not in the room when it happened but Gabriel told me,  "I hate Nathan."  I have noticed when I say "No" to him he takes it out on his sister.  I will need to talk to him about that.  I never thought a  backpack could be such a big deal.

Is is spring yet?

I was reflecting on the similarities between the weather and adolscence.  There are days that I think my 13 year is a sweet young boy and then there are other days he is trying out the man voice which is like the weather - one day it feels like spring and then the next day it feels like winter and back and forth.  Perhaps the world is feeling like the weather - hard to know what it going to happen next - bomb Libya and then help Japan.  I supported Obama but he is too enthusiastic to use force which I don't support.  I find the path of the peaceful warrior much more empowering.  I have felt a pain deep in my heart concerning what Japan has gone through.  It is pretty overwhelming to think of the level of suffering that they are having to contend with.  It really reminds me of how little control we really do have and to also appreciate what we do have because it may not be here tomorrow.  I look at my two beautiful children and am appreciative of having them in my life.  As hard as my marriage and ex-husband were, I am so happy to be a mother.  The pulse of spring was bursting through my daughter this weekend.  On Saturday, she wanted to go on a bike ride, take a walk and go swimming.   I had to tell her that I needed to slow down a bit.  We did two of the three - taking a walk and swimming at the health club.  I try to honor her as much as possible but there is only so much that I can do.

Getting ready for spring

I tried writing before but for some reason my post wasn't published so I will try this again.  Anyway today I felt inspired by the warmer weather and sun to get my porch ready for spring by getting rid of the old dryer and taking it to the dump.  I asked my neighbor to help me put in the back of the car.  I have a few wind chimes on my front porch but I went to look for my fish wind chime that I bought last year and had stored away.  Unfortunetly something destroyed the string so now the fish wind chime is fish parts which will need to be recreated.  That is o.k. an adventure that I can embark on with my beads, fishing line and old kitchen utensils.  I will make a new wind chime.  Last summer, I really got into my front porch and decorated it with flowers, mosaic pots, strange art, a French bistro table and various wind chimes that I picked up at thrift stores or ones that I made of beads and kitchen utensils.  I made my front porch a comfortable place to hang out and read a book or have a meal outside.  I always thought I should make my back porch into the place to hang out but it felt too lonely out in back so after struggling with thinking I should make the back porch the place to be I shifted my focus to the front porch.  It was fun playing with the space and I even painted my front door a sky blue.

I am humbled by the situation in Japan - wow - so much suffering.  It is hard to see people have to go through so much - it is hard for me to wrap my mind around the situation.  It is weird because I saw a movie (Departures) that was made by  a Japanese director and which featured funerals as a major aspect of the film Thursday night - kind of weird.  Things like this earthquake remind me of how little control we actually have and that things just happen like this.  I hold the Japanese people in my heart during this challenging time.

Getting a crown

Today was not what I looked forward to - a visit to the dentist for a crown.  Two and a half hours in the dental chair.  This is my first crown - I wish it were my last but there is another crown I need as well.  I noticed that my dentist's hands are small.  I don't think it would work to have big hands and be a dentist.  I like Hank Willis.  He is honest, straight forward and kind.  I need to have a root canal redone - the first dentist wasn't so hot.  Anyway, it is good to have teeth.  I have several clients with dentures and they don't look very comfortable - they move around in their mouths and it is difficult to eat apples.  I finished watching the movie Departures by Masahiro Motoki - I liked the movie - it is different - it has subtitles but there was something about it that spoke to me.  I like different kinds of movies.  I listened to Robert Thurman, an expert on Tibetan Buddhism on Netflix.  His daughter is Uma Thurman.  I listened to about 30 minutes of Robert and then I became tired and started to read instead.  I like the compassion and kindness of Buddhism - it looks at the well being of all people - it seems to make sense to me - that was one thing that I learned when I was in the Peace Corps - people that look at the whole and well being of all are happier than those who just look out for themselves.  It is like we have begun to believe in this country that "stuff" and materialism will make you happy.  Anyway enough of my rambling.  Time to go to bed.

Sunday morning

I woke up this morning not thrilled to get out of bed.  There is a man that I like but he is not available.  It would be easier if I didn't keep seeing him at my weekly meditation meeting - what to do - work with the feelings - work on letting go and moving on.  Sometimes easier said than done.  My room is a mess and the cats have been peeing on the carpet.  I like cats but sometimes they can be annoying.  My daughter is reading a book and my son is still sleeping.  I want to go on a walk today.  The sun is shinning and it is fairly warm.  I just finished an assignment for Emergent Literacy.  I feel like I spend too much time on the assignments from the textbook.  I want to do some artwork, get caught up with laundry, hang out with the children, make a nice dinner and clean up my room and have the children clean up their rooms as well.  It isn't fair if I ask them to clean their rooms while my room is a mess.  I sometimes find that I let the structures go especially on the weekends.

Peace Corps Presentation about Senegal

I did a presentation at the Sandpoint Charter School about my experience in the Peace Corps.  My son was scared that I would show a bare chested woman in my slides.  I edited those ones out.  My tray jammed this morning so I kind of freaked.  I called the teacher and he had an extra tray.  I talked in front of about 70 7th grade students.  I didn't have a formal presentation instead I talked about my slides and my experience there.  They asked me questions about the kind of food that I ate, what schools the children went to and what was difficult about my experience.  I talked about living with the chief of the village and his four wives.  The women do most of the work in the village such as pounding millet, washing clothes and carrying water on their heads.  Most of the people don't go to school but they have excellent memories from telling stories and many people speak several languages.  It makes me rethink of what it is to be literate.  They people in the village couldn't understand why I couldn't remember things better.  One of the most difficult parts of the experience was the number of children that died in the village.  At the age of 22 I was quite equipped to deal with death so up close.  I remember when somebody died that the women would wail (combination of cry, scream and lament) throughout the village.